Platonic
by KitKatt0430
Summary: High School AU. Queer themes/queer platonic relationship. Asbel's always known there was something different about himself compared to everyone else, but now that they're seniors its finally hit the point where he needs to be able to put a name to it so that he'll stop feeling broken. Unfortunately, coming out as aromantic and asexual isn't exactly easy.


Summary: High School AU - Asbel's always known there was something different about himself compared to everyone else, but now that they're seniors its finally hit the point where he needs to be able to put a name to it so that he'll stop feeling broken. Unfortunately, coming out as aromantic and asexual isn't exactly easy when his brother is a pedant and a know-it-all who thinks amoeba jokes are funny and his childhood best friend would rather try to 'fix' him than accept that accept that her feelings aren't reciprocated.

Thankfully, Asbel's got his little sister Sophie and their friends Richard, Lambda, and Pascal in his corner. (And with a lot of patience, even Hubert and Cheria come around in the end.)

Notes:

So, I'm not trying to bash Hubert and Cheria.

That being said... Hubert is canonically sexist in the game. It's annoying and frustrating, especially because his sexism is clearly played for laughs... even though its not funny. He also tends to think he knows better than everyone else. So him being a jerk and having hang ups about queer orientations at first doesn't feel out of character, to me anyway.

Similarly, Cheria is extremely amatanormative in the game. She tells Malik in a skit that its 'a waste' that he isn't married; she clearly meant this as flattery, but its a really awful thing to tell a person. When I first played the game, her comment bothered me to no end but it wasn't until I replayed the game after I started identifying as Aro/Ace myself that I realized why it bothered me so much. Judging a person's life as wasted solely based on their romantic and/or marital status is the sort of thinking that causes people to stay in relationships that make them miserable or are even abusive simply because they don't want to be judged a failure for being single. Not only that, but not everyone wants to be in a romantic relationship and, as there are so very many valid reasons a person might have for choosing not to be in a romantic relationship, no one should ever be shamed for choosing to be single. Unfortunately, society pushes the idea that singleness equals failure at life ridiculously hard. At any rate, Cheria is a very kind-hearted person, so I do think that she would learn to shelve her amatanormativity eventually.

So, yes they're going to be jerks because they're dealing with getting over their own hangups. But they will get over those hangups and stop being jerks because Asbel is more important to them than hanging on to aphobic nonsense.

 _ **Platonic**_

"Do you ever get the feeling that you're different but don't know how?" Asbel flushed slightly as Richard paused the game - there was no way he was going to make the combo needed to send Lambda's pikachu flying off the stage now, dammit - and turned to stare at him.

"Um... sometimes?" Richard glanced between Asbel and Lambda and actually blushed a bit, before setting down his controller.

"Tell me we're not all about to have some massive heart to heart," Lambda muttered, scowling at the screen.

"I often get the feeling that I'm different," Sophie said, nudging Lambda's leg with her foot and giving him a very annoyed look that said 'doom upon you, should you keep being a jerk to Asbel.' "But I generally know how I'm different and its usually because I'm foreign or adopted or both."

Asbel had no doubt she was thinking about all the times when she'd call him, or Hubert, her brother (or they'd call her their sister) and people would do a double take or ask if she was adopted - as though it were any of their business how the three of them related. Or the comments people would make about her (mostly assimilated) accent and the way slang used to trip her up all the time. Or that time when some mom at the park called the cops on their dad for reading a book to her on the bench - obviously he had to be a pervert and not her father - ruining one of the few times that Aston had taken time away from work to be with his kids. Or a thousand other little things that happened to make her feel 'other' for not being born a member of their family the way Asbel and Hubert had been; things that the two boys probably didn't always realize were othering, despite their attempts to be more aware.

"What is it that's been making you feel different?" Sophie asked.

"I... it's stupid..." Asbel shifted uncomfortably, wishing he'd just kept his mouth shut.

"If it were truly stupid, you wouldn't be bothered," Lambda countered. "You're not that much of a fool to be upset by the inconsequential. So just... talk. Fulfill their curiosity so that Richard will turn the game back on and I can finish wiping the floor with the three of you."

Sophie snorted in amusement while Richard rolled his eyes.

"Right," the blond muttered, giving the green-haired teen an amused look. "Like you aren't curious too." He smirked when Lambda looked at him disdainfully.

"Its been a lot of things really, but... most recently? Hubert and some of the guys at school got on to the topic of which actress is hotter, Judith Hermes or Milla Maxwell, and... I didn't have an opinion. Like, at all. Could have been any two actresses and I still wouldn't care at all. But they were really insistent that I had to have an opinion on the subject because obviously I have to not only find them both attractive but find one more attractive than the other and... I don't find them attractive." He paused and then barreled on. "It's always like this when other guys start talking about how attractive someone is. Whether it's a girl in our year or a college girl or an actress or model or whatever... I never have an opinion and I hate getting put on the spot because I never have an answer."

"Have you considered that you might be gay?" Richard asked hesitantly.

Asbel nodded. "But I'm no more attracted to guys than girls. I don't get what's wrong with me."

Letting out a frustrated noise, Lambda put down his controller and padded out of the room. When he came back, he'd brought his laptop with him. He shoved it into Asbel's hands, who looked at the screen and the website in the open browser.

"There's nothing wrong with you," he muttered, taking up his controller again and pointedly not looking at anyone.

The words "Welcome to the Asexuality Archive!" glowed up at Asbel from the screen.

Suffice it to say that Marth lost badly to Pikachu and Asbel spent the rest of their time hanging out clicking on links, reading posts, and feeling more and more certain that this was exactly him... and Lambda disappeared into his room when it time for Asbel and Sophie to head home specifically so that Asbel couldn't thank him.

* * *

A week later, at Richard's house this time, Asbel was winning at Mario Kart while playing against Richard and Lambda. Sophie was off doing something with Cheria and Pascal while Hubert was at his debate club meeting, probably dealing with yet another challenge to his leadership from Raymond Oswell.

As Link sped across the finish line for the final time, Asbel cheered in triumph, much to Richard's amusement and Lambda's annoyance.

"Um... Asbel..." Richard said, once he and Lambda had crossed the line for second and fourth place respectively (Richard had nailed Lambda with a green shell at the last second, to the green-haired boy's extreme irritation). The victory lap was running, in the background as the blond caught the others attention. "There's something I... we've been meaning to tell you."

Asbel glanced up between his two friends and then scooted around to face them properly. "Okay, shoot." He smiled gently, hoping to allay his friend's obvious anxiety.

"I'm gay. And, um, Lambda and I are dating," Richard blurted out, avoiding looking at Asbel directly as he spoke.

"Really?" Asbel's smile turned into a grin as Lambda nodded in agreement. "That's great. Oh..." his eyes widened, "I'm not date crashing right now, am I?"

Lambda just rolled his eyes. "If we didn't want you here, I'd have taken the phone from him and told you to go away when you called earlier."

Richard elbowed his boyfriend in the side, an expression of relief and amusement warring on his face. "You're always going to be welcome to spend time with us, Asbel."

"Thanks." Asbel felt relieved to hear Richard say that and see the non-verbal agreement that Lambda offered as well when he nodded. He'd always felt the most relaxed and comfortable around Richard and Lambda and there'd been a flash of fear that they wouldn't really need him around anymore. But even as Lambda leaned back and to the side slightly to snuggle against Richard, he reached down as normal to ruffle Asbel's hair (Richard and Lambda always sat on the couch and Asbel usually sat between them on the floor) and...

Everything felt really normal. Like he still belonged there with them.

So Asbel went back to kicking their asses at go kart racing and wondered, idly, when they'd tell everyone else.

* * *

The following Monday, Richard and Lambda outed themselves to everyone before classes started.

The others were quick to assure the two that of course they were all okay with it, then...

"Well, Asbel, aren't you going to say anything?" Cheria demanded.

The auburn haired teen shrugged in response. "They already told me Saturday."

"Oh." She flushed a little, looking sheepish.

"Why didn't you say something before?" Hubert said, sounding a little offended.

"Wasn't my secret to tell. Just because they were comfortable telling me didn't necessarily mean they're ready to tell everyone else."

"I appreciate that, Asbel," Lambda said quietly.

"Do Cornell and Dalen know?" Sophie asked.

Richard nodded. "We talked with them after Asbel left, Saturday evening."

"They were pretty cool about it." Lambda pulled out a manga from his bag and started to read, having apparently deemed the conversation over. It pretty much was, too. Nothing really changed. Sophie pulled out her phone and tried to catch a chirpee while Pascal nattered on about about some cool, but totally impossible, thing she saw on _Star Trek Deep Space Nine_ the night before, having started watching the entire _Star Trek_ franchise on Netflix some months earlier at Hubert's recommendation.

Cheria tried to bring up the Homecoming dance, which was still a month away, but Asbel managed to dodge that in favor of talking with Richard about _Kingdom Hearts_ theories, now that the game finally had a release 'window' announced (a release date would have been nicer, but after so many years, Asbel wasn't going to be picky). Lambda added his two-cents every so often and even Cheria contributed, hoping that Kairi would finally have a role beyond 'damsel in distress.'

After school, though, when Hubert and Sophie hopped in Asbel's car to head home, Hubert said, "it must have been really uncomfortable on Saturday."

"Huh?" Asbel hadn't really been paying that much attention to his sibling since his main focus was on not getting cut off by bad parent drivers. The students were all really attentive, but the parents tended to forget to use their signals and drive too slow, or too fast, and abruptly park in places where there were 'no parking' signs, often blocking traffic completely and ignoring the honking cars behind them.

There was no place Asbel hated driving more than school zones on a weekday. Except maybe church parking lots on Sunday.

"Saturday, when Richard and Lambda came out to you. It must have been uncomfortable," Hubert reiterated.

"Not really," Asbel gave a sigh of relief as he passed the school zone boundary and could speed up to forty. "I was a little concerned that I might've been date crashing, since I kind of invited myself over to hang out with them, but Lambda reminded me that if hadn't wanted me there he'd have said something when I called."

"As rudely as possible too," Sophie agreed. "With Richard apologizing for Lambda's rudeness, like normal. I'm really happy for them."

"As am I. I just..." Hubert shrugged, "you're not worried that they'll look at you differently?"

"... aren't you getting it backwards?" Asbel asked tentatively. "'Cause I'm pretty sure they were worried that we'd all look at them differently."

"So you weren't... worried that they'd be checking you out?"

"No." Asbel pulled up to a red light and glanced over to give his brother a disappointed look. "You don't ever seem to care if Cheria or Pascal are 'worried' about you checking them out. So before you start policing the potential for that kind of behavior in other people, maybe you should stop being so inappropriate yourself."

"I am not indulging in inappropriate behavior!" Hubert yelped.

"Oh, so you didn't tell Cheria that her skirts were indecently short this summer? Because, newsflash Hubert, what Cheria wears isn't anyone's business but her own and if her clothing 'distracts' you then that's because you don't have the self control to stop staring at her ass and not her problem for wearing clothes she likes. Lecturing her was just a really crappy, and inappropriate, attempt to pass the buck and make your shortcomings someone else's responsibility, not to mention being super sexist." When Hubert choked on his response, Asbel went on talking. "I was going to yell at you for this after I found her crying because of what you said, but she made me promise not to. Which I kind of regret now, since you were way out of line."

The light went green and Asbel moved his foot to the gas. "Anyway, I'm not particularly worried about Richard or Lambda staring at my ass or checking me out or whatever. If they were going to do that then they'd already have been doing it before they outed themselves. I mean, it's not like they abruptly decided to just start being gay together and were only magically attracted to guys after that."

Sophie reached forward and swatted Hubert on the shoulder. "So you were the one who made Cheria cry that day. Jerk. Also, stop being a jerk about Richard and Lambda."

Hubert, whose face was bright red from embarrassment, muttered a half-hearted apology and subsided.

Still, Asbel found his mind wandering to the new links on his computer and his uncertainty about his own sexual and romantic orientations (was he just ace or ace and aro or some variation of gray-a and/or demi...). What would Hubert think when Asbel finally felt comfortable enough to use a label, or labels, to describe himself?

* * *

After calling Hubert on his sexist, and hypocritical, behavior, Asbel didn't really notice any further problems with his brother. Hubert went out of his way to apologize to Cheria - even admitting to her that his comments were sexist and uncalled for, much to her surprise - and he was nothing but supportive to Richard and Lambda.

Still, Asbel couldn't quite manage to unwind the knot of worry in his chest.

He was starting to realize that he had no idea what a crush felt like. As far as he could tell, he'd never had one. He'd started taking a harder look at how everyone else acted, comparing it to his own behavior, and starting to finally see just how he was different.

Hubert blushed a lot around Pascal and she got extremely crabby whenever Evangeline Paladine showed up to talk to Hubert. Both Hubert and Pascal sought each other out all the time. Hubert was the first one that Pascal wanted to show off her robots and computer programs to and Pascal was the one Hubert went to for bouncing around ideas for debate. They liked to sit next to each other and sort of lean into one another's personal space.

Richard and Lambda just sort of slotted together, clearly enjoying an increase of touching - arms around shoulders, holding hands, cuddling whenever they sat together - and flirting all the time (Asbel had a really difficult time picking up on what was and wasn't flirting and was now extremely worried that sometimes others would mistake his own responses for flirting when he wasn't). They seemed to really enjoy kissing, too, which Asbel thought was kind of adorable when they did it, but the idea of doing that himself, with anyone, made him want to wrinkle his nose up in disgust. Just... no.

None of that behavior was him. The closest he came was how ridiculously comfortable he felt around Richard and Lambda. But that was clearly different from crushes; his desires were pretty much platonic in every sense. Asbel liked being close to them, felt safe telling them pretty much anything and kind of wondered what it'd be like to cuddle with them (just cuddling, though), but that was about the extent of it and wasn't a huge difference - though it was definitely a noticeable difference now that he was paying attention - from how he felt about his other friends or his siblings. (Maybe what he felt for them was a squish? Asbel was still trying to figure out what a squish even entailed, so he still wasn't sure.)

Unfortunately, all this increased awareness had clued him on to something he'd rather have gone on being oblivious to: Cheria had a crush on him. So now, on top of worrying about what Hubert would say, Asbel was worried about what would happen to his friendship with Cheria if she acted on her feelings. Because he had no intention of lying to her or pretending to return her feelings when the truth was that he loved her as a friend and nothing else.

Having completely stressed himself out over everything, naturally one of the worst case scenarios came to pass the week before Homecoming.

Asbel had terrible luck.

* * *

"Um... Asbel." Cheria's fingers twisted nervously as she spoke. "Can we talk privately for a minute?"

Hubert got an amused smirk on his face, like he thought he knew what was going to happen and that it was about time. Asbel, however, got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, even as he reluctantly agreed and let her lead him back outside.

"So... you know how Richard and Lambda will be attending Homecoming together... as a date?"

"Well, yeah... but they're still planning on coming along with the rest of us as a group." Asbel clamped down on the urge to ramble or ask her what that had to do with anything. She'd get to the point herself.

"And... I'm pretty sure Hubert is going to ask Pascal out as his date." Cheria paused, as though she were expecting some sort of reaction from Asbel over that.

So he shrugged. "If he does, it's a toss up as to whether she'll misinterpret what he's asking or not."

Cheria giggled nervously. "True. But... I was thinking... maybe we could go together too. As a date... as a couple on a date."

"Cheria..." He'd been trying, ever since realizing that she probably had a crush on him, to figure out what he was supposed to say if - when - this happened. What was the best way to tell her that would hurt her the least? "I can't."

"Why... is there someone else?" Cheria's voice went higher pitched - not shrill, but clearly upset - at the question.

Asbel shook his head. "I've never had a crush on anyone. Not even something remotely like a crush. Until this summer, it never even occurred to me that might be odd. But then... I don't know... it started bothering me that I never had an opinion for that stupid 'game' that everyone seems to play at some point. You know, the one where you pick someone you'd want to get stranded on an island with because they're hot. I know girls do that too."

"Yeah, we do," she admitted in a quiet, pained voice. "Asbel, are you gay?"

"No. I thought that too, at first. But I'm no more attracted to guys than I am girls. I thought... I dunno, I thought maybe something was wrong with me. Everyone always says that crushes are universal and that you have to be attracted to people and fall in love... and I don't feel any of that. I thought maybe I was broken somehow." He took a shaky breath and let it out slowly, before continuing on. "But I'm not. Not, broken, that is. Just... different. I didn't know what the words for what I am were until a few weeks ago. Um... do you know what asexual and aromantic mean? And please don't use the biology definition for the first one, because I already know Hubert's going to get all pedantic about this when I finally tell him and I really don't..."

Cheria sniffled and held up a hand to cut him off. "I can guess. They must mean someone who isn't attracted to people... physically or romantically." She sniffled again. "Can't you just try? Maybe if we dated some, your feelings would change."

"No, they wouldn't." Asbel wished she understood. "If I dated you, it would be a lie. I'd be doing things that make me uncomfortable and miserable and it would make you miserable too because I can't feel the same way you do or act in the ways you want me to. It would wreck our friendship, Cheria, and I don't want to lose my best friend. Can you... can you accept that?"

"I..." tears were running down Cheria's cheeks by then and she just ran off, unable to say anything further.

"Shit," Asbel whispered, sinking to the ground and sitting with his back against the school wall. Part of him really wanted to cry too, but he felt too numb for that and just sat there, staring into the distance as other students arrived, dropped off by parents or siblings and walking by him without ever noticing anything might be amiss. He stayed there until the ten minute warning bell rang and he was basically on auto-pilot as he went to his locker and then to homeroom.

Cheria was already there, of course, seated at the front of the class instead of the middle where they normally sat. So Asbel took a seat at the back of the room. She probably hated him by now or, even if she didn't, at the very least she was still clearly upset about the whole thing and skeptical about his orientation - she wouldn't have tried to convince him to date her anyway if she weren't - and the others were going to notice something was wrong between them. Especially Hubert, who probably thought he and Cheria would be announcing that they were dating by lunch time. They were going to want explanations and Asbel wasn't really sure he was ready to give explanations, not with how badly telling Cheria had gone.

* * *

"She was going to ask you to be her date to Homecoming," Hubert said, sitting down across from Asbel at lunch. "How, exactly, did you manage to screw that up so badly that you left Cheria crying?"

Asbel stiffened in his seat, looking down but still feeling Hubert's irritated stare and the sudden concern radiating off Sophie and Lambda.

"I told her the truth," Asbel said quietly. "I told her I don't return her feelings and that I didn't want to screw up our friendship by fake dating her."

"You don't..." Hubert echoed, trailing off in shock. "Of course you do. The two of you are perfect for each other! Look, I'm sure if you just talk to her, you can fix this."

"We're not perfect for each other, Hubert," Asbel snapped looking up fiercely. "I didn't make a mistake, telling her no this morning. Despite what you clearly seem to think, I am not attracted to Cheria. I'm not attracted to anyone."

Hubert huffed in irritation. "Not this again. It's impossible not to be attracted to anyone."

"It's called being asexual, which is not feeling sexual attraction to others, and aromantic, which is not feeling romantic attraction to others."

Rolling his eyes, Hubert shot back with, "aromantic isn't a word and asexual is a type of reproduction. You're not an amoeba, Asbel."

"So 'gay' can only mean happy? Or 'cool' can only mean slightly cold?" Asbel asked quietly. "Asexual is just one of those words that have multiple meanings. And aromantic is a real word, which I literally just defined for you. You don't know everything, Hubert, and right now you're not just wrong; you're kind of being a jerk."

Lambda crossed his arms and snorted indelicately. "Kind of? He's passed way beyond 'kind of being a jerk' territory and planted himself firmly in the land of jackass."

"I've never even heard of..." Hubert tried again, only to get interrupted.

"Have you ever looked?" Lambda spoke up, giving Hubert his 'you are a bug I'm considering squashing' glare. "No, of course not. It wasn't information that was relevant to you until now. But that A in LGBTQIA+? It does not stand for ally. It stands for asexual and aromantic and agender, but never ally, because allies don't need to struggle for acknowledgement and representation of their orientation or their gender. You don't have to out yourself because no one assumes you aren't exactly what you are; you don't have to clear up misunderstandings time and again or worry about people hating you irrationally for being different from them all because of who you do, or don't, feel attraction for or what your gender is.

"Saying that asexuality isn't a thing is as stupid and ignorant as saying the Chicago isn't a real place just because you've never heard of it before and it isn't on any map you've ever studied. Obviously anyone who say's they're from Chicago really means LA or New York, right?"

"Hubert," Asbel cut back in, "if you want I can give you some links and you can look this up for yourself. But I'm not making this up or confused and I'm not being a jerk to Cheria by refusing to date her." When Hubert didn't say anything, Asbel starting shoving his lunch back into containers. "I don't think I'm hungry anymore. I'll go hit the library or something."

"I'll go with you," Sophie said, putting her own lunch away. "Do you think you could show me some of those sites, Asbel? I'm really curious about where Lambda got that Chicago thing from, because he was definitely quoting something there. He's got that tone."

"I don't have a 'quoting' tone of voice," Lambda grumbled, scowling over at the purple-haired girl.

"Do too," Sophie teased back, grinning impishly, though the expression was a little strained as she glanced between Hubert and Asbel.

"Sophie, you don't have to..." Asbel trailed off as Sophie used what they liked to call her 'resolve face'. "Right, sure. I can show you some of the links. Like AVEN and the Asexuality Archive. That second one is where the Chicago thing comes from," he added, ignoring the way Lambda grumbled at him.

"Um, is everything okay here?" Pascal asked as she and Richard walked up with their lunches from the line. "You're all putting off really tense vibes, ya know?"

"Asbel is trying to claim that he doesn't get attracted to others."

"Like, no one at all?" Pascal asked, setting down her tray as a thoughtful expression stole over her face.

Richard settled beside Lambda and took one of the green-haired teen's hands in his own, gently massaging the hand and causing Lambda to visibly relax.

"No one ever," Asbel responded tightly.

"Huh."

"It's called asexuality and aromanticism," Lambda filled in, leaning slightly towards Richard. "Being one doesn't automatically indicate the other though."

"Makes sense, I guess," Pascal said with a shrug.

"What?! How can that possibly make sense?" Hubert demanded. "Asbel's just confused, as usual."

Asbel bristled, taking a step away from the table, while Lambda looked like he was contemplating stabbing Hubert with his spork.

"Um, well, there are people who are attracted to multiple genders, right? Like me and how I find Sophie and you both super attractive." Hubert blushed and Sophie shrugged, having grown used to Pascal's inept flirting years ago. Pascal had never outright admitted to being attracted to Sophie before, but no one was particularly surprised by her frankness about it either. "Anyway, it makes sense that there would be the opposite as well: people who aren't attracted to anyone. Now that I'm really thinking about it, seems like what would make zero sense is if asexuality and aromanticism weren't things."

"This is why I tolerate you despite how annoying you are," Lambda declared.

"Awww," Pascal preened, "I have no idea why you're saying that, but I think you're awesome too."

"For you, awesome is pushing it."

"Anyway..." Pascal hummed, grinning impishly at Lambda before turning a more serious expression on Asbel, "does this have anything to do with why Cheria's been so upset this morning? I think she skipped lunch for the library."

Groaning in frustration, Asbel moved back to the table and sank back down into his seat, Sophie glowering at Hubert as she did the same. "She asked me to be her date to Homecoming," Asbel told her. "But I'm not attracted to her - or anyone - that way. So I turned her down and was honest about why. But... that didn't make having her feelings rejected any easier on her."

"I imagine not," Pascal agreed. "Well, maybe she's looking stuff up and trying to better understand why you turned her down. I can't imagine she wouldn't want to still be your friend. She just needs time before she can face you again."

"Thanks Pascal." Asbel sighed, pulling out his phone under the table. Calling up one of the sites he'd mentioned before the others showed up, he passed the phone over to Sophie. "Just keep it out of sight from the teachers, okay?" As long as they weren't obvious about phone use during lunch, most teachers didn't care, but it never hurt to be careful.

"Sure," Sophie nodded, already pulling up the Great Chicago Conspiracy page.

"So, how'd you figure this all out anyway?" Pascal asked, taking a bite of her pizza. "Mmmble-grmph..."

"Oh, that is gross. How many times do we have to remind you to chew, swallow, then talk?" Hubert demanded grumpily.

"Sorry," Pascal replied cheerfully. "Got caught up in the questions. Hey, you two gonna eat?" she added, giving Asbel and Sophie's lunches significant looks. Probably trying to figure out if she could convince them to hand over their desserts.

Asbel still didn't feel hungry, but reluctantly pulled out his sandwich. Then he sort of poked at it and shrugged. "What were you trying to ask?"

"Oh, right. How'd you figure this out? I mean, asexuality and aromanticism aren't exactly well known. I mean, I always knew I just found people attractive and when I heard about pansexuality I was all like 'woo, that's me!' but, like, I'm more likely to be romantically attracted to masculine people... so, sorry, Sophie. No epic romance for us."

"I'm perfectly okay with being too feminine for you to be interested in dating," Sophie told the older girl dryly, not even looking up from Asbel's phone.

"Anyway, point is that finding the right label for me was super easy-peasy. But it wasn't that way with you, was it?"

He shook his head. "I guess I just thought for the longest time that everyone was just exaggerating. Remember when Mint and Cless started dating in elementary school? Made zero sense to me how they could even tell the difference between wanting to be friends and wanting to date. Or... tv shows always depict guys as being sex obsessed and I just assumed that was a caricature and not the way people actually acted... except then there are guys who do act that way after all..." he decided not to actually name Zelos, because that was a good way to summon that guy even when he was too far away to have conceivably heard his name spoken. "I guess I just finally realized that I didn't have an answer for those stupid 'which celebrity is hotter' conversations and that I was tired of feeling like I was different, but not having an explanation for why." His eyes flicked over to Lambda for a moment, then he added, "once I found out that asexuality was a thing, it did just sort of click though. The same with aromanticism. It felt like such a relief to know that I wasn't broken or anything like that."

"I'm glad you figured it out." Pascal grinned, then added, "so when we do pride week later this year, you've got to let me paint little flags on your cheeks, mmkay? Richard, you too."

"Not Lambda?" Richard asked teasingly, throwing an arm around his boyfriend, who bristled a little.

"Oh, no, he'd eviscerate me with the little plastic knives over there," she gestured to where the cafeteria utensils were kept.

"True," Richard allowed with a laugh even as Lambda subsided, looking a tad smug.

From there lunch went on as normal, if quieter than usual with Cheria missing and both Asbel and Hubert avoiding having to talk to each other directly.

* * *

Asbel had hoped that by the time they were headed home from school, Hubert would've cooled off enough to realize that even if he didn't understand Asbel's orientation, he could - should - still be respectful of it. But when Hubert climbed into the back of the car and refused to say even a single word of acknowledgement to Asbel, well... it didn't bode well.

So Sophie sat up front with Asbel and she looked between her brothers with increasing unease. She, too, could probably feel that something bad was going to happen.

The whole thing came to a head when they walked inside and their mother asked what should have been a fairly innocuous question. "How was your day, dears?"

"Cheria asked Asbel to the Homecoming dance and he turned her down because, apparently, he thinks he's a plant."

Sophie started yelling at Hubert at that point, angry and full of righteous fury at him and Asbel could barely hear a word she said.

Asbel had not been ready at all to come out today. Not to Cheria or Hubert or anyone. He'd wanted to tell Lambda and Richard first, maybe this weekend, and bake brownies for Lambda as a thank you for pointing him in the right direction in the first place. But that stupid dance... and now...

Now Hubert was outing him to their mom and what would happen when dad found out? Hubert was so much like their dad and if Hubert was reacting this badly, then...

A sick, almost nauseous feeling swept over Asbel and he felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes. Without a single word, Asbel ran outside and across the yard until he reached the tree line at the edge of the property. There was an old tree-house there and Asbel clambered up and inside, dumping his backpack by the rickety old table that Richard had provided and settling by the window covered in weather-proof drapes that Cheria had sewn herself a few years earlier. On the tree that ran through the center of the house - and, consequently, held the entire structure aloft - there was a large circle dug into the bark with the names of Asbel, Richard, Sophie, Hubert, Cheria, Pascal, and Lambda scrawled within.

The tree house, and their names in the tree in particular, was supposed to be a sign of their never ending friendship.

Asbel had to wonder, staring at their names in the bark, if just by trying to be true to himself, he'd ruined that friendship between them all.

And what must mother think? He didn't face her, didn't want to know what father would think when he got home... didn't want to deal with any more of Hubert's thoughtless cruelty.

Pulling out his cell phone, Asbel called Richard and Lambda, conferencing the calls together once he had them both on the line.

"If you want, you can come over to my house," Richard told Asbel, once he was done relaying what had happened and his fears about his parents acceptance. "Uncle Dalen's always liked you."

Which was a bit of an exaggeration - Dalen had believed Asbel was a brat as a little kid, but had warmed up to Asbel over time, so it was true enough that Dalen liked Asbel now.

"You'd be welcome over here too," Lambda offered, "though I can't really beat Richard's offer of 'literally across the street.'"

"Thanks guys." Asbel felt a little better now, but he'd been crying when he'd first called and it showed now in the thickness of his voice and the little sniffles as he tried to breathe through clogged sinuses. He felt all achey and anxious and all around horrible, but... Richard and Lambda were nice bright spots in the midst of everything going wrong. And even if his parents took Hubert's view of things, well... at least Sophie wasn't judging him or trying to tell him his experiences - his orientations - were invalid.

"I'll, uh, call back later. Let you know how things go. But I should head inside now. Maybe try and get my homework done..."

"It's Friday," Lambda grumbled. "It can wait until tomorrow. And you'd better call, even if it all turns out okay, because..."

"We'll worry otherwise," Richard filled in. "You know feelings make Lambda all constipated, so I have to be the one to say it."

"Oh shut up. I was going to threaten him."

"I know, that's why I interrupted."

Asbel giggled and then snuffled loudly. "Thanks guys. I'm grateful for your support, really... violent and otherwise."

After they signed off the call, Asbel put the phone away in his backpack and, with an air of resignation, left the safety of the tree house for the uncertainty of his home.

His mother was waiting for him in the kitchen when he walked back in. She didn't say a word, just stood up and engulfed her eldest child in a hug.

"I love you, Asbel," she assured him. "I can't say I understand yet, because I don't. Since the day you were born, I've always imagined what your future would be like and... I assumed you'd meet a nice girl and settle down one day. And when you met Cheria... well, I'd hoped it would be with her."

"Mom... I'm sorry, but I just don't... I don't feel that way about her, or anyone. I don't mean to disappoint you..." he said, trying to pull away as he felt his tears coming back.

"You aren't a disappointment, Asbel. Not now, or ever." Kerri Lhant held her son fast. "Part of being a parent is accepting that what I wanted for your future isn't necessarily what's right for you. I may need to mourn my expectations a little, but you should know that whatever your future does hold, I will be there to support you. You're my son and if I couldn't love you for who you are then I wouldn't deserve to call you that."

"I love you, mom," Asbel told her in a choked voice, this time curling closer into her embrace.

* * *

Aston shrugged off the news of Asbel's orientation with a condescending comment of, "you're only seventeen. Could just be a late bloomer."

"That's like telling someone that just because they can't fly doesn't mean they won't maybe sprout wings one day," Asbel had retorted. The resulting lecture in respecting his elders was worth it.

Hubert dropped by Asbel's room while he was on the phone assuring Richard and Lambda he'd be fine at home for the night after all and Asbel shut the door in his brother's face before the bluonde could say even a single word. He flipped the lock too and proceeded to ignore his brother's protestations that Asbel was being childish.

After outing Asbel without his permission? Hubert could suck it up and go bother someone else.

* * *

So, yeah, coming out had sucked and Asbel knew it was going to get annoying in college every time he had to out himself to a new friend, but... for now everyone who mattered to him knew. Despite how stilted things were with his dad and Hubert and having no idea where he stood with Cheria, Asbel woke up Saturday morning feeling a lot lighter.

He grinned in the bathroom mirror that morning after his shower and said the words, "I'm aro/ace," just to hear how they sounded and it was ridiculously nice.

Then he finished toweling off, grabbed an apple from the kitchen, and immersed himself in his homework until lunch time, at which point he had maybe half-an-hour of schoolwork left to complete. Lunch was awkward. Asbel didn't talk to Hubert, Hubert studiously ignored Asbel, and Sophie was apparently still upset with Hubert because she scowled at him every time he tried to talk to her... which only made Hubert more irritated with Asbel.

"I've got all but the last three of my math homework problems finished," Asbel finally announced when lunch was over. "Mind if I go spend the rest of the day with Richard and Lambda?"

Aston just shrugged, but Kerri nodded, smile on her face. "Of course, Asbel. Tell them hello for me. Sophie, will you be going with him?"

Sophie shook her head. "Actually Pascal had some bottle rocket thing she wanted to try out at the park today. I was thinking of joining in."

While Sophie arranged for a ride to the park, Asbel headed upstairs to give Richard and Lambda a call. Hubert following along behind him. "What is it, Hubert?" Asbel demanded, blocking his brother from following him into his room.

"You should get your hormones checked. If you aren't, you know..." he blushed, "experiencing attraction, then something has to be wrong."

Asbel stared blankly at his brother for a long minute. For being so smart that he'd skipped two grades to join Asbel Freshman year at High school, Hubert could really be an ignorant twerp sometimes. "Hubert," Asbel finally said, "you do know what the difference between attraction and desire is, right? Desire being libido - you know, that which develops at puberty and makes you think that, hey, an orgasm would be great right now - and attraction being the part of you the part of you that sees someone and thinks 'hey, they make me think sexy thoughts.'" It was so worth being blunt just to see the splotchy shade of red Hubert was turning. "Attraction is what determines a person's orientation and despite how often people conflate attraction with libido, they're not the same thing. Mine is just fine and thus my hormones are totally normal for someone who's seventeen. But I don't experience attraction. I don't get crushes. And you know what? That's normal. Somewhere around 4 percent of people identify as ace, pretty sure the statistics on being aro are pretty similar but there's more information on asexuality right now. Instead of trying to infantalize me as being a childish 'late bloomer' or patholigize me as having screwed up hormones or turning my orientation into a joke... why is it so hard for you to just respect and support me?"

"Asbel..."

"I really don't want to hear it right now, Hubert," Asbel told him. "I would like to go spend time with friends who aren't going to tell people I think I'm a plant." Hubert flinched and backed off a step or two.

"I'm sorry," Hubert offered. "I just think you're making a mistake."

"You make it sound like I chose to be this way. But I didn't. I mean... did you choose to have a crush on Pascal? When she's around do you think, 'hmm, it'd be great to have higher blood pressure right about now'?"

"But you are choosing not to even try. You're missing out..."

"Missing out on what? On lying to Cheria about having feelings for her that I don't? I love my friends. But I don't feel anything romantic towards Cheria. Not even a little bit. I don't want to have to fake it to make her happy, because pretending to feel something I don't would make me miserable. I'm not willing to sacrifice my happiness to pretend to be something I'm not and it wouldn't make her happy anyway, not in the long run, because she'd know there was something wrong I wasn't telling her. I chose to do the right thing, Hubert. I'm not missing out on anything."

* * *

Cheria called on Sunday, right after the Lhant family got back from church. Asbel managed to delay meeting up with her until two, giving him time for lunch and finishing the last of his homework, but then they were meeting up at the park down the street.

Thankfully, Hubert did not tag along. He'd been glued to his computer all morning before Mass and Sophie had been pointing at things on the screen, demanding Hubert read this or that and... Asbel had to wonder if she was metaphorically frog-marching their brother through online asexuality resources.

Asbel got there early and settled onto a nearby bench, watching the swings drift in the breeze. There were a couple of kids out playing on the monkey bars and slide, but it was pretty quiet for a Sunday afternoon even with the Autumn chill starting to creep into the air. He wished he could sit on the swings and recapture that feeling he had as a kid, trying to swing just that little bit higher, aiming for a more daring jump. (Yeah, he'd broken his arm jumping off that very swing set when he was ten. Broke his finger when it got caught in the chain two years later; he'd actually managed to fling himself backwards pulling that stunt.) He'd very much been one of those children who'd thought himself an invincible miniature adult.

But now the swings were too short for him and his legs would drag awkwardly along the ground if he tried to get any momentum going there. Made for a weird sort of metaphor now that he was a year away from college and starting to get an idea of what being an adult really meant. Adulting was hard and maturity was a drag.

"Asbel," Cheria greeted him as she settled beside him on the bench. "I hope I didn't keep you waiting long."

He shook his head. "I only just got here a few minutes ago. So, um... you wanted to talk?"

"Yes, I... I've been doing some research. I wanted to... to better understand what you were telling me." Cheria plucked at the hem of her shirt, a nervous habit from childhood that still reared its head from time to time. "So, um... like you said, asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to any gender... but being asexual doesn't necessarily mean you're... a person is aromantic."

"I know. I wouldn't have specifically identified as aromantic if I didn't feel like that described me too," Asbel told her, a worried feeling in his gut.

"O-okay, but then I also read that asexuality is like a spectrum, same with aromanticism, and that sometimes people who identify as asexual or aromantic will still experience sexuality or romantic attraction in some cases. Like... if there's an emotional bond..."

"Cheria..."

"And even when there isn't," she powered on, "sometimes aromantics still want to have normal relationships, so they'll still date and..."

"No." Asbel cut her off with a single, sharp, angry word. Then he repeated, "no. I am not gray-ace or gray-aro. I'm not demi either. You've been my friend since childhood, Cheria. Trust me, we've got an emotional bond. But I'm still not romantically attracted to you. It's nothing either of us has done wrong because there is nothing wrong with me being aromantic. And I don't want to be an a romantic relationship; it doesn't appeal to me."

"But its so sad," Cheria burst out. "You're going to be so alone while everyone else..." she trailed off as the angry look he was giving her registered.

"What, exactly, is sad about being single when dating is so unappealing to me? What is so sad about choosing not to force myself into a relationship that makes me uncomfortable? Unless you're trying to say that all my friends, including you, are just going to completely abandon me if I don't have a person to do couple-y things with, then there is nothing sad about being single. And if I do want some sort of committed relationship, romance isn't the be-all, end-all of commitment. I don't know much about them yet, but queer platonic relationships sound really interesting."

"Y-you shouldn't say queer," Cheria objected. "It's a slur."

"So is gay, but people reclaim that word all the time. I'm aromantic and I'm asexual and I'm queer. You do not get to tell me that I can't self-identify as that." He stared at her, furious and mentally daring her to object again. But she didn't. "Right now, all I'm hearing from you are ways that you think I should change myself so that you don't have to deal with not having your feelings reciprocated. I'm not obligated to return your feelings just because romantic feelings are more... more socially valued than platonic ones." He stood up. "I'm leaving."

"Asbel... Asbel wait!" Cheria was crying as she stood up and grabbed his hand.

Honestly, Asbel felt like he was about to start crying too. "What?"

"I'm sorry. Maybe... maybe we could look into q-queer..." she barely managed to say the word, her voice lowering slightly as if she truly thought she was saying something bad.

"If you can't bring yourself to say 'queer' then just shorten it to QPR or QPP." Asbel firmly extracted his hand from hers. "But also no. Right now, I can't trust you not to try and twist a QPP into just being 'romantic relationship lite' and even if I could, I don't know that I'd even want to be in a QPP. Or if it does turn out to be something I want... I don't know that its something I'd want to have with you, especially knowing how important monogamy and romance are to you. I'd never be able to give you the romance you crave and you'd never let yourself date someone else romantically if you were in a QPP with me.

"Cheria, you're my friend. My best friend. I wish you'd stop treating my friendship like its worthless compared to what I can't give you. Please just... I really don't want to be here anymore." He was definitely crying now and, dammit, he'd have to walk home like this.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Cheria said, turning away and hurrying to where she'd parked her grandfather's car.

Asbel waited long enough to see that she'd gotten into the car okay, then he turned away and started walking. He scrubbed at his face, but the tears were not ready to stop so long as there was this knot of emotions in chest and that felt like it was settling in for the long haul. It certainly made walking past the kids playing in the park awkward.

"Asbel? Asbel!"

Jerking out of his fugue to realize he was halfway home, Asbel stopped and turned towards the source of the voice. Lambda was trailing along next to him on the sidewalk, though the green haired boy was on his bike.

"Sorry," Asbel said, "I guess I was a little lost in my thoughts there. I know, I know, its dangerous to wander in unfamiliar territory, right?"

Lambda snorted in amusement. "Well, at least you don't need to me admonish you for it now." Then, shifting back into thinly veiled concern, he stated, "you've been crying? Hubert's not being a jerk again, is he? Because I'm all for beating him up right now."

"No. I had another talk with Cheria. It went awfully." Asbel paused a moment, then added quickly, "you can't beat her up either."

"Fine." Lambda visibly pouted, which made Asbel smile a little. "I'm headed to Richard's. Hop on the back, you can join him in being trounced at Brawl. Just... don't sit on the floor this time. You should sit between us on the couch. Gay cuddling is the best way to cheer a person up."

"Then I need all the gay cuddling," Asbel replied with a grin, dutifully moving to balance on the wheel spokes on Lambda's bike and helping the other boy kick off. Richard's house was only a few houses down, but this was still a lot nicer than walking. "Thank's Lambda."

"Dating Richard is wrecking my mean-person cred," Lambda told him, garnering a laugh from the redhead.

"You want to know a secret, Lambda? Your mean-person cred was never as high as you thought it was."

* * *

Things stayed awkward between Asbel and both Cheria and Hubert the following week. It was homecoming week so there were mums with little cowbells everywhere and couples being chewed out for making out in in the halls. Cheria wouldn't even look at Asbel and Hubert just got awkward, always trying to start conversations with Asbel that ended up going nowhere when Hubert inevitably chickened out of saying whatever it was he clearly wanted to say.

Sophie kept kicking Hubert's ankles when he chickened out, so at least there was something amusing happening that week amidst the homecoming game prep and dance fluff.

Pascal asked Hubert out to the dance, which was hilarious because, for a change of pace, he almost misunderstood what she was asking. Meanwhile, Asbel was very seriously considering skipping the dance altogether.

"I mean... you two are going as a couple and Hubert's going with Pascal now... Cheria won't want to be in the group if I'm there and it'd just be awkward if everyone pairs off to dance and Sophie and I get stuck at the punch table. I mean... Sophie already gets annoyed at how everyone was too intimidated to ask her to dance in front of her brothers at last years dances." Asbel waved his hands with a 'that's that' sort of gesture. "So, not going."

"We both want to dance with you," Richard objected.

Lambda nodded. "Seriously, if I have to make an idiot of myself on the dance floor, you have to suffer with me."

"We'll just tell everyone you're our other date," Richard added, smirking slyly. "We can find out what sort of poly thing people think we have going on from the rumor mill on Monday. It'll be fun."

"You have a weird definition of fun," Asbel told him. Then, to Lambda, he added, "you're right. I can't let you suffer Richard's weird sense of humor alone."

"Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate your presence," Lambda responded, his tone surprisingly sincere instead of the dry sarcasm Asbel had been expecting.

* * *

Their team barely won the football game on Friday night, but the team managed a touchdown near the end of the final quarter that propelled them into a two-point lead the other team just didn't have enough time to beat. So most of the school was too distracted by the football team to pay any attention to Asbel, Richard, and Lambda.

The three of them spent pretty much the whole night dancing or talking together and Asbel felt warmed by the way they never made him feel excluded even as they still acted as a couple. It made him think about everything he'd read on queer platonic relationships and wonder if... just maybe... would they want something like that with him? It would sort of be like putting a label on what they already had then changing their existing relationship to something new... but would they feel the same way?

The trio ended up at Lambda's house at the wee hours of Sunday morning after the dance let out and Asbel found himself piled into Lambda's bed with the other two boys, sandwiched in the middle wearing borrowed pajamas. He fell asleep within moments of curling up against Richard's chest with Lambda's arm around his waist.

In the morning, Asbel was the first awake and he slithered out of bed carefully, so as not to wake the others. He headed to the bathroom first, then stopped by Lambda's room again to see how the other two boys had curled in together in his absence.

They were adorable, really.

* * *

"If, um... if that's not something you guys want, though, we can just forget I asked," Asbel stammered out.

"No, that actually sounds really good to me. I'd love to have you as my QPP," Richard said enthusiastically. "Lambda?"

"Yeah, I'm cool with that too. QPP's?" Lambda asked, reaching out a hand to Asbel.

Asbel grinned and nodded. "QPPs. This is awesome." Asbel took Lambda's hand and let himself get pulled back into the cuddle pile on the bed.

"There's, uh, something I want to tell you, then," Lambda said, becoming more serious and very tense. "I've only told Richard so far and I'm not ready to tell anyone else yet, okay?"

Nodding seriously, Asbel took Lambda's hand in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture.

"I'm... I don't identify as gay. I might be demi, which is why I had all those asexuality links, but I'm still questioning and trying to figure it out. And I think... I think I may actually be agender. I don't know... when its just us could you... would you use they/them/their for me? I'm trying to see if I'm comfortable with those pronouns." Lambda made a frustrated, abortive gesture with their free hand. "Mostly I just identify as queer."

"Okay," Asbel squeezed Lambda's hand lightly. He was pleased to see them relax and lean towards him some. "I'm probably gonna screw up a few times before I get into the habit. If I don't catch and correct myself, feel free to kick my shins like Sophie does. She's managed to train Hubert and I to do a lot of things that way, so you know its effective."

Lambda just laughed and their relief was lovely to hear. "Thanks, Asbel."

* * *

"I'm sorry," Hubert told Asbel when he got home the afternoon after homecoming. "I've treated you terribly and acted ignorantly and I'm really sorry."

Sophie was watching with an approving gaze off to the side, but Hubert seemed genuinely sincere. So Asbel pulled him into a hug.

"I forgive you," Asbel murmured to his little brother. "We're gonna be okay, I promise."

* * *

"You were right," Cheria told Asbel a few weeks later. "I was ignoring your feelings and trying to push you into a relationship that I wanted because I thought... I thought if you'd give it a try then you'd find you wanted it too. I'm really sorry."

As much as Asbel wanted to hug her - she was his friend and hugging friends was just natural to him - he held back in consideration of her feelings. He knew her romantic attraction for him was still there and he didn't want to hurt her any more than she'd already been hurt through all this. And while it wasn't his fault that her feelings had caused her pain - caused them both pain - he still felt bad for the heartbreak he knew she must be feeling.

"I'm not going to apologize for being myself, but I am sorry to see how much this has been hurting you," Asbel told her. "Think we can be friends again?"

"Yes," Cheria nodded forcefully. "I've missed my best friend."

"So have I." He wished he could tell her about being in a QPR and how annoying Hubert was being, accusing him of crashing Richard and Lambda's dates when he was, in fact, just spending time with his QPPs. But she wasn't ready to hear any of that yet and, if Asbel was being perfectly honest, he wasn't ready to share that with anyone else yet either.

But he was getting there and when he did tell her, it'd be on his terms this time around. Well, his, Richard's and Lambda's.

* * *

Notes:

So, backstory for Lambda here is that when they first moved to the neighborhood, they were Emeraude's ward. She was abusing them and Asbel and Richard found out; Asbel convinced Lambda to come forward with what was happening and Richard held their hand while they talked to the police and child services about it because Asbel ended up grounded despite everything for using 'bad language' to describe Emeraude. (Aston grounded him; Kerri thought calling the woman a bitch was being too kind, but agreed that Asbel shouldn't be using such words at his age.) While people were reluctant to believe a woman, particularly a woman in a wheelchair, could be abusive, the evidence along with Lambda's testimony settled things fairly quickly. Dr. Cornell, who'd been petitioning for Lambda's custody from the start, was finally able to get himself named Lambda's guardian and he moved to live closer to Asbel and Richard so that Lambda could remain near their new friends and rescuers.

When Sophie was adopted after Kerri finally gave up on conceiving a third child - she really wanted a daughter, so she and Aston adopted Sophie, who is Asbel's age in the story - she had a brief rivalry with Lambda, who feared she was taking their place in Asbel and Richard's friendship. But it cleared up when they both realized they were making Asbel miserable with being put in the middle and the two became friends afterwards.

Cornell takes the eventual news that Lambda identifies as agender/non-binary really well and is the fastest out of everyone to catch on to using they/them/their for Lambda. Asbel only gets his ankles kicked twice for failing to notice he'd flubbed Lambda's pronouns and messes up far fewer times than he'd feared.

As for the QPR between Asbel, Richard, and Lambda? They keep it to themselves until Prom, at which point the three of them decide that its finally time to talk to the others about what a QPR looks like for them - lots of cuddling mostly, along with not prioritizing the romantic relationship between Richard and Lambda over their platonic relationships with Asbel (both romantic and platonic bonds are treated with equal importance). Lambda also takes the opportunity to tell the others that their agender at the same time the three of them bring up the QPR and it all turns out okay. Hubert manages to not make an ass out of himself this time around and Cheria is a little heartbroken all over again, but she's learned to let Asbel go at this point.

Eventually Hubert winds up pointing out that Richard calling himself gay isn't accurate since Lambda isn't a guy. Lambda doesn't care, they may not be a guy but they are masculine leaning so why shouldn't Richard call himself gay? But Richard winds up agreeing with Hubert and switches out gay for bisexual since he is attracted to men and masculine leaning non-binary persons. (When its just Richard and Asbel, Lambda admits that they really do appreciate Richard rethinking his labels out of respect for their gender.)


End file.
